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» The Ornery American Forum » Ornery Writers Workshop » "Brief" by HalfHaggis

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Author Topic: "Brief" by HalfHaggis
KnightEnder
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This thread for the discussion and critique of HalfHaggis' "Brief". Deadline May 31.
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KnightEnder
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Richard Dey
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posted May 18, 2005 07:49 AM
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On Half-Haggis's 'Footprint' article: two-bedroom--flat-sized is an adjectival phrase that needs 'courtesy' hyphens. Otherwise, very good news knack. Rees and Wackernack or what their names were ought to be identified (and hectares to acres for American press release of course).

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KnightEnder
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hywer
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posted May 18, 2005 10:49 AM
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Also on Half-Haggis's article: Concise enough for a paper, I think, and well done. I would consider changing the story to second or third person, see how it sounds, and then decide between the choices--it makes it personal in the first person, but more comfortable in the third. Like I said, consider it but it's no rule or anything. I'd like to see it in my local paper, but that's waaay to much to ask.

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halfhaggis
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Thanks for the comments so far...

Richard: What do you mean by identifying Rees and Wackernagel? A description? Some sort of biography? What field they work in?

hywer: I'll consider your idea of changing tense, but I'm trying to get across that the problems I describe affect everyone on a person level. First person (I believe) does that better.

Mostly I'm looking for inspiration for a catchy title. Any ideas?

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hywer
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Hrm... get back to you on that after I get back from Episode III

[Big Grin] [Big Grin] [Big Grin] [Big Grin] [Big Grin] [Big Grin] [Big Grin] [Big Grin]

P.S.: Did you know there's a max number of graemlins you can put in a post? Interesting...

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