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» The Ornery American Forum » Ornery Writers Workshop » Y'obituary Exercise

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Author Topic: Y'obituary Exercise
Richard Dey
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If you can't get published, you can always write obits for the local paper [Wink] .

Johnson, Marilyn, in The Dead Beat (2006) attended the Great Obituary Writers' International Conference in Las Vegas in 2004. She garnered a couple of cuties.

Tiny Tim, the American pop singer who has died aged sixty-two, specialized in horrendous falsetto vocalizations of sentimental songs, and cultivated an appearance of utter ghastliness to match.

Selma Koch, a Manhattan store owner who earned a national reputation by helping women find the right bra size, mostly through a discerning glance and never with a tape measure, died Thursday .... She was 95 and a 34B.

The 3rd Lord Moynihan, who has died in Manila, ae 55, provided, through his character and career, ample ammunition for critics of the hereditary principle.

As good exercise, kill somebody off and write a zinging paragraph on the late So-and-So ...:

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KnightEnder
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Richard Dey, the eccentric, often outrageous, forum pundit died early this morning, April 1st. Mr.Dey succumbed to injuries sustained, allegedly, when he was beaten severely by a squad of humorless Green Berets in response to one of his acerbic posts. Mr. Dey was known for his flowery grandiose language, pointless diatribes, and endless championing of gay rights. He was also a well respected revisionist historian who credited homosexuals with every human advancement since, and including, the invention of the wheel. He leaves behind innumerable ornery friends, most of them Americans. He will be missed.

In lieu of flowers Mr. Dey's family asks that monetary contributions be sent to Knight Ender at The Ornery American Forum.

[ April 01, 2006, 07:51 AM: Message edited by: KnightEnder ]

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RickyB
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[Big Grin]
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Richard Dey
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Surely I'm not the only one who has died around here [Big Grin] . Sniff-sniff. Are there no other takers ...?
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livermeer kenmaile
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Mark Twain: Rumors of my death have been gratly exaggerated.

Kenmeer Livermaile: Rumors of my death have been grossly under-circulated.

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The Drake
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I don't want to kill anyone off...except for the ones I DO want to kill off, and I don't trust myself to write about those ones. [Smile]
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livermeer kenmaile
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The ultimate damning obituary is a premature obituary that so convincingly damns the not yet dead that they commit suicide.
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canadian
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Many a man has wanted to commit suicide over a little death come prematurely.
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Richard Dey
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la petite mort type of prematuritiy, I presume [Wink] .
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Richard Dey
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Actually, KE, I think I did suggest that homosexual invented the wheel -- or so the Chinese have always claimed.

According to the scholar Ji Yun of the Qing Dynasty, Huang Di, the Yellow Emperor 2697-2597, inventor of acupuncture, the wheel, contracts (the foundation of law), and the magnet amongst other things, also standardized the tradition of taking male lovers. He is also, of course, a major figure in Daoism.

Of some interest to my way of thinking, this is hardly a century after the reign of Gilgamesh at Uruk.

http://www.mystae.com/streams/ufos/emperor.html
¶ Crompton, L.: H & Civilization; Harvard U Press (2003), p 214.

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kenmeer livermaile
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Richard, for real fun in the form of attracting ridicule, let's wed the idea of homophilic history with the idea that aliens visited earth 4-6,000 years ago and passed the torch of technology to us.

Gilgamesh the gay alien god sort of thing.

It would make a great mini-eries, eh?

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Richard Dey
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Yeah, but do you think the public will really go for gay aliens? like they aren't alien enough???
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kenmeer livermaile
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We'll call 'em the G-rays.
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Cromemco
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ZARAHEMLA, 1830-1839. Killed by John Lloyd Stephens, Sylvanus Morely, Frederick Catherwood, Jacques Soustelle, John Hemming and W.H. Prescott, luminaries of early Mesoamerican archaeology, whose exhaustively catalogued reality everted every "prophetic" outline. Ignored to this day by the majority of starch-shirted boys and girls in their quest for new anointed saints.
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Jesse
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Richard Dey

Very late 1930's? - Possibly 2008 or?

"More...Weight"

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Jesse
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BTW, the above was a reference to the last words of Giles Corey, as he was crushed to death in Salem.

I miss Richard. Me, I think that ought to be on his tombstone.

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