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Author Topic: Miscellaneous Chat - Part 2
Kuato
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Scifi,

I had a very similar thing happen to me. I walked away smiling that I'd been nice and their faith in humanity was restored, and one hour later I was completely immobilized- my whiplash was severe enough that I needed a chiropractor to "crack" me every, sometimes twice a day, for about four weeks and that peetered off finally.

Nowadays I say, "I don't think any harm done, but just in case, how about let's exchange information?"

[ May 26, 2009, 03:33 PM: Message edited by: Kuato ]

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KnightEnder
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Hypothetically

If I was to get a divorce there is no way my wife would be able to afford to pay for our house on her own. I've repeatedly over the years told her to go back to school and get a degree of some kind in case something happens to me, but she is convinced she is not smart enough to get through college. She's smart but not book smart. Whatever that means. She has a pretty good paying job now at $12 an hour, but that is nowhere near enough to pay for our house. And I'd want her to have the house. She always wanted it, I could care less and would be fine in an apartment or whatever.

I assume that a court would give her the house even though I'm the one filing and have cause, and she would get all the equity in it, but would they make me pay it off for the next 15 years or so? Should I? I'd feel bad if she had to move.

Of course if we got divorced she'd probably lose weight and be married again as soon as she wanted to. She's still very pretty. And she'd probably force herself to have sex with some poor schmuck until she married him.

Both our boys will be grown and gone by then, but I worry about what will become of her.

What do y'all think?

KE

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OpsanusTau
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Honey, doesn't she read this forum?
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DJQuag
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Not to disparage your wife, KE, but if you've encouraged her to better her economic opportunities and she's refused, then in the case of a divorce you shouldn't be on the hook. Then again I'm vehemently anti-alimony in all cases except those involving a signed prenuptial stipulating the wife's gettin paid. I'm quite sure there are others who will disagree. [Smile]

Of course, in our court system, you'd almost certainly end up having to support her even if you walked in on her red handed with another man, at least until/if she remarried.

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scifibum
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Hypothetically, don't divorce her unless you're prepared to stop being/feeling responsible for her. She can afford a small apartment on $12/hr.

Might be a point of discussion before you get to that point, though. e.g. I'm doing a lot for you, including paying for this house.

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DJQuag
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KE : "I'm doing a lot for you, including paying for this house."

Stacy : "So, we're going to fight tonight? Is that it?"

[Smile]

Just kidding. I really have no idea if that's how she'd respond.

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scifibum
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I wasn't suggesting it as a conversation opener! But, I've been thinking, and I've decided that a 22 minute career in marriage counseling is overlong for me, and I'm offering complete refunds to all my clients.
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KnightEnder
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Ops,

I wish. [Smile]

KE

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scouser1
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I think my friend wants me to go with her to watch Angels and Demons tomorrow. Wish me luck (that I dont fall asleep [Eek!] )
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DJQuag
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Ugh.

So recently my sis and I leased an apartment. I've mentioned taking a gun course and buying a handgun for home defense.

At first, she insisted it be locked up. When I pointed out that if someone busts the door in we'll both be disabled and/or dead before I can unlock the safe, open the safe, and get the gun out she admitted it'd be a bit silly to do that.

So she said it's okay so long as the gun's kept unloaded. WTF? I went the same route and told her we might as well keep a candlestick to throw at them but now she's not budging.

Keep in mind there are no kids. Just her, myself, and two small dogs, with the usual few people over on the weekends.

Any suggestions on how to move her on this?

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cperry
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quote:
Originally posted by scifibum:
I wasn't suggesting it as a conversation opener! But, I've been thinking, and I've decided that a 22 minute career in marriage counseling is overlong for me, and I'm offering complete refunds to all my clients.

[LOL]

Not that this is funny at all, KE. I feel for you, KE. And I'm playing Stacy's role, to some degree, in my own relationship right now. Trying to figure it out; I do NOT want my husband having the same thoughts you are.

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Lina Inverse
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Mike Tyson's little girl died [Frown]
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DJQuag
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I read about her accident in the newspaper, Lina.

Sad stuff. Kind of thing that makes you paranoid about kidproofing your place.

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scifibum
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quote:
Originally posted by DJQuag:
Ugh.

So recently my sis and I leased an apartment. I've mentioned taking a gun course and buying a handgun for home defense.

At first, she insisted it be locked up. When I pointed out that if someone busts the door in we'll both be disabled and/or dead before I can unlock the safe, open the safe, and get the gun out she admitted it'd be a bit silly to do that.

So she said it's okay so long as the gun's kept unloaded. WTF? I went the same route and told her we might as well keep a candlestick to throw at them but now she's not budging.

Keep in mind there are no kids. Just her, myself, and two small dogs, with the usual few people over on the weekends.

Any suggestions on how to move her on this?

My suggestion is don't buy a gun. [Razz]

Either that or just do what you want. You're not married; consensus isn't necessary. [Wink]

I understand reservations about having a loaded gun in the house. My brother put a shotgun in his mouth once. It was intended as an emotional trump card, as a way to dominate and silence my mother with whom my brother has had a very difficult relationship, which is to say I don't think he ever intended to pull the trigger. But it was highly upsetting of course, and there was always a chance that he'd accidentally fire the gun or that I'm wrong and he was thinking about doing it. Not having a loaded or quickly loadable gun around would have taken some of the drama out of it (unfortunately for my brother's aspirations as a thespian).

I'm sure that most families, and you in particular, don't have such ridiculous displays of soap opera, but since people have moments of irrationality and great passion, there's something unsettling about the devastating potential of something as easy as a trigger pull.

Or she could be worried that the gun will just go off by itself, or if somebody jostles it or something.

Perhaps you could propose keeping it in a special container and pointed toward something unkillable, with the safety on. Or with a loaded clip kept beside, but not inside, the gun.

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Chael
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If you're trying for consensus, I like scifi's idea of keeping a clip right beside the gun, where you don't have to search for it if you need it. Chances are you're not going to be right next to the thing if someone breaks in anyway, so a few extra seconds shouldn't make much difference, right? As long as it's kept out of the way of visiting younglings with tendencies towards theatrics, you should be safe. [Smile]
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KnightEnder
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Ops,

Since my wife doesn't read these boards I went ahead and told her about the post. She didn't seem to think my worrying about her was very altruistic.

On another note that completely contradicts what I did above; my son took one of those "How Well Do You Know Women" tests on Facebook and scored 25% which explains his trouble keeping a girlfriend (although a year and a year isn't terrible). So, I decided to take it to see what the questions were and how I would do. I scored a 100% (surprised the hell out of me cause some of the questions had a couple of options that were close). Of course I rubbed his face in it. But then I said; "I guess if after living with a woman for 22 years if I didn't score higher than you it would have been pretty bad." And he said; "No, it would have just proven that the test was stupid." His mother and I both went "Ahhh." And he was like "What?" I should have known he wouldn't consciously say something that sweet. He's still a teenager. [Smile]

I realize those tests aren't the end-all be-all of tests of knowledge, but it does show that I've learned a few things about women. Of course my lovely bride said "You didn't learn all that for me you did it to get laid more often." She's such a romantic. But only half right.

KE

[ May 27, 2009, 09:41 AM: Message edited by: KnightEnder ]

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KnightEnder
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Scifi,

My dad the cop used to do that **** with his .357. One night he was doing it with his new wife and I was there so I took the gun away and fired it six times at the wall thinking I'd get rid of the bullets so he wouldn't accidentally shoot himself. Guess what happened....nothing. He'd loaded it with blanks we used in SWAT training. ****ing *******.

KE

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KnightEnder
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Very interesting.

quote:

(AP Photo/Oregon State University)
What is probably the largest living organism on earth has been discovered in the Malheur National Forest in eastern Oregon. A fungus living three feet underground is estimated to cover 2,200 acres. After testing samples from various locations, scientists say it is all one organism.

One Thousand Football Fields

Officially known as Armillaria ostoyae, or the honey mushroom, the fungus is 3.5 miles across and takes up 1,665 football fields. The small mushrooms visible above ground are only the tip of the iceberg.

Experts estimate that the giant mushroom is at least 2,400 years old, but could be 7,200 years old.

Previously, the world's largest organism was another Armillaria ostoyae, which covers a mere 1,500 acres near Mt. Adams in Washington state.

A Web of Tentacles

Genetically Closer to People


In other research, scientists have determined that fungi are more closely related to human beings and animals than to other plants.

Moreover, while humans and most species are divided into only two sexes, mushrooms contain over 36,000 sexes.

Talk about a heck of an orgy. [Smile]
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scifibum
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quote:
In other research, scientists have determined that fungi are more closely related to human beings and animals than to other plants.

Moreover, while humans and most species are divided into only two sexes, mushrooms contain over 36,000 sexes.

The first sentence doesn't seem like it goes with the second sentence.
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OpsanusTau
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1) That fungi are more closely related to animals than to plants is not in any way news.

2) "Sex" as applied to mushrooms doesn't really even make sense. But even so, being more closely related to animals than to plants does not preclude having differences from both.

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TommySama
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KE, are you actually filing for divorce? If you are, you shouldn't feel responsible to take care of her anymore. My dad did, and my mom would keep asking for more and more money, and he'd buckle and give it to her. It wasn't spent on raising my sisters and I; I have no idea where it went. Considering your kids will be at college, let her get an apartment, and sell the house if you don't want it.


"For people complaining about the weather in MN, we just got off of a new record of fourteen straight days of 100+ in Phoenix. The record being that we're still in May. [Frown] "

Yeah, but its supposed to be hot in Phoenix, duh! When it goes from 53 to 93 in 7 hours, you feel the heat! (Its back down to 49 degrees today. I don't understand)

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KnightEnder
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Thanks Tommy.

It's not like she shows me any appreciation for the house. Or anything for that matter. Her 35,k SUV while I drive a company truck, the house, her brand new furniture that replace the last brand new furniture, her 100 dollar haircuts, massage treatments, etc. etc. etc. Oh, I left out the daily massages I give her. (I wish she made the same noises she makes during the massages when we're having sex. I've told her that but it's still like having sex with a paraplegic librarian. At least if I remember correctly.)

I would just like to be told I make her happy every now and then. But I'm talking NEVER. Kinda like our sex-life.

Reading what I wrote I kinda sound like a sucker or a chump, huh?

KE

[ May 27, 2009, 04:38 PM: Message edited by: KnightEnder ]

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scifibum
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I don't think you're a sucker or a chump. Even though you're angry right now - as you might well have a right to be, no comment as I've retired from marriage counseling - things you've said in the past indicate you believe in honor and commitment, so you're in it for the long haul. I have mixed feelings about how that ought to weigh against lack of contentment once your kids are grown up, but I honestly don't think you're showing weakness by hanging in there - quite the contrary.
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kenmeer livermaile
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KE: only for you, my prince. Here are the closing paragraphs of a recently written letter to my wife. Perhaps they may be helpful:

quote:
I want you to know that for me, any separation or divorce is something I will fight against unless I am convinced that it is better for your health that I no longer be your husband, because for all my many many faults, I did promise to love you for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, and so am pledged to help and honor and love and nurture you through this sickness that you are going through, through the sickness our marriage is experiencing, through this sickness that is infecting our children and family and friends, so long as it is in my power to do so in a manner that makes things better, not worse, for you, our children, our family and friends.

If indeed it proves that I am incurably toxic to you, well, that will be a great sadness but I would then surely not want to inflict myself upon you any further. Meanwhile, unless the time comes that this is shown to be true, I will continue to act as if I am married to you, and I believe it is in your interests to act the same toward me.

Honey, please come home.

You have my very deep commiseration, sir. The covenant of marriage is the most beautiful and beneficial human convention I know of. It is also, in my opinion, the most daunting.
There's always hope

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DJQuag
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Sister agreed to the full clip laying next to the gun.

Thanks for the advice!

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scifibum
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DJ, just so you know, I'm not refunding fees for cohabitating siblings counseling.
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The Drake
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I've never had a gun around the house, loaded or otherwise, despite being competent in handling firearms. I've always felt that the risk of my doing something stupid with the weapon while drunk, angry, or otherwise impaired was much greater than the need for armed defense of my home.

My wife has owned firearms in the past, and likely will in the future. I told her I'd prefer that they be locked up and that I don't have the combination. I especially don't see the need for instant access in our case, because we live on the tenth floor of a building with 24hr security on premises.

This is something, in my opinion, that all members of the household must agree upon. Everyone gets veto power. My suggestion to get agreement - take her out shooting, show her how the safety works, help her to be comfortable around the gun. But if you are talking about an automatic, it should really be sufficient to keep the gun and the clip in two different dresser drawers. Shouldn't take you more than 10 seconds to be ready to blast away. Unless you are a drug lord or a spy, you'll have at least that much warning - especially if you haven't ignored perimeter alarms in your security plan.

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DJQuag
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Just living in a normal apartment, Drake. Not a ghetto, but not ritzy enough for perimeter alarms or anything. Hell, the gates at the front have been wide open for weeks because they're "broken" or something.

And I've been negotiating with her the whole time, and we've managed to come to an agreement. With just a room mate I might have told them to deal with it, but she's my sister. I wouldn't want to do that.

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scifibum
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Anybody got good ideas on child development and parenting training resources? I'm becoming acutely aware that my kids probably aren't getting all the structure and training they ought to get, and I'm a bit worried for my oldest who will enter kindergarten in the fall - he's got his ABCs, numbers, and some basic spelling and proto-reading down, but has some behavior problems and tends to be overly emotional and whiny. I think we need to buckle down and get serious.
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Funean
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Has he been away from you at all? Babysitters, relatives, playdates? I'm asking because kids tend to be MUCH "better" for other people than they are for us, because not only do they know we'll love them no matter how horridly they behave, but because other settings are at least distracting enough that entrenched, "usual" behavior patterns are disrupted.

Plus kindergarten teachers are world class experts at 5 year olds. And from your description, your kid is exactly normal. [Smile]

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Funean
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PS, Did I miss something? Drake, when did you get married?!
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scifibum
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He did OK in preschool but had a lot of trouble with group activities. Wouldn't sing, wouldn't line up, etc. He does pretty good with 1:1 attention from a teacher or parent or babysitter but it's pretty exhausting. Maybe I worry too much. But I still think I ought to educate myself more. I need to train myself to be more consistent and resourceful, I think.
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cperry
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Scifi - I think it's really tough as a parent, esp one without 3 or more kids, to provide the kind of environment that mimics a school setting which is, quite frankly, rather unnatural. However, one strategy you can try, if you aren't using it already, is to define behavior expectations before engaging in the activity.

For instance, before we go into the grocery store, I tell the 4 year old: "Okay, we have to go in to buy food for the week. We're going to see lots of fun things, like balloons and toys, but today I am not buying anything for you. If you ask for something, we are going to check out immediately and go home. Now, what are we going to do?" And I get her to explain it to me. I had to leave exactly once the way I threatened; now I do not. Yet, if I forget to make it clear before we go in that I will not tolerate the "I wants," then she reverts to that behavior. So I know that she can behave as I want her to, but she will not choose to do that on her own.

We had the same problem introducing her to the expectations of a group class setting (such as pre-school, tumbling, etc.). I think it's tough because she's an only at home; fortunately, we have help at daycare, where our provider is a fairly traditional care-taker. Still, when she started taking tumbling, I was so embarrassed because she didn't know how to take a turn, wait in line, etc. She seemed to think that the teacher would pay as much personal attn to her as I do. (Well, of course she did -- she'd never been in a class before! Why did I even expect her to know how things go?)

So, now before we go into tumbling class, I do the same routine as we do before going into a store: "Now, you remember that at tumbling, you have to get in line and do exactly what the teachers tell you to do, right? And you have to pay attn when they are giving directions for each new station, right?" etc.

If your kid is not in any kind of class situation, putting him in some kind of summer camp or something like that will help get him accustomed to the expecations before school starts. If it's still a problem when school begins, talk to the teacher. As Funean said, they are experts and deal with this a lot. Knowing it's an issue at the beginning of the year will help the teacher and your son from the start.

At home, you can slowly start introducing this kind of structure around existing routines, such as bed time, meal time, etc. My little one used to automatically beg for attn when I started cooking -- she knew it meant I wasn't going to be able to pay attn to her. So I used the same process ("Okay, Mommy's going to cook now. I won't be able to play with you for about 30 minutes. You can A, or B, or C while I'm cooking, but I do not want you to ask me to play with you until I am finished her. Okay?" etc.), and now I don't even have to go through all that -- it's just habit.

Good luck. Entering kindergarten is such a huge milestone -- for kids and parents! [Wink]

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KnightEnder
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Ken, Scifi,

Thanks. It's not like I have to make a decision anytime soon, I've got two, three years probably, but I was thinking this could be time Stacy is getting a degree or something in case we can't make it or something happens to me.

DJ,

If I was you the thing I would be most worried about is shooting my sister. Remember the rule is "NEVER shoot at anything that you can't see clearly and aren't absolutely sure is something you want to kill. AND remember most guns nowadays are powerful enough to go through most walls. You wouldn't want to kill the bad guy and find that a stray bullet went through the wall and hit your sister. And I agree with keeping the gun in one drawer and the clip in another, or maybe under the mattress near the drawer the gun is in. That way if a burglar gets in they aren't sitting there ready to be used against you, say if you're not home or if you've had a few drinks and are sleeping like a log. Guns are good to have but remember even 99% of cops don't ever use their guns in the line of duty. So, you having to shoot it out in your home is a very remote possibility. The racking of the slide, you did say it was an automatic?, should have any crook with two brain cells to rub together heading for the nearest exit.

The news makes things seem pretty bad, but it's a big big world with a lot of people and the incidents the MSM reports are rare indeed.

Scifi,

I think you are worrying too much. With love, firm discipline, and consistency these things work themselves out. After my oldest witnessed his brother almost die, and the change in all the attention going to the younger for a while he had some emotional issues in grade school. No he is on the Dean's List and winning scholarships at UT. Good luck, buddy.

KE

[ May 28, 2009, 09:19 AM: Message edited by: KnightEnder ]

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scouser1
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Weeeeeeell, I went to see Angels and Demons, and tbh it wernt half bad. I think it was definately better than the DVC.

Apart from a couple of anomalies that we did notice, which was disappointing [Frown]

Richie Cunningham: good, but must do better! [Razz]

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scifibum
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Thanks, cperry, KE, that is helpful. Setting expectations like that seems like a good idea. We have similar rules for going into stores but the kids have figured out that they can get away with some misbehavior because we're too reluctant to just drop what we're doing and leave when they do.

Consistency is the hard part.

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KnightEnder
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Does anyone else play Big Bucks No Whammies with their Spell Check?

I hit spell check and wait to see if it tells me if I've made any errors, and I'm unreasonably happy when there aren't any. [Smile] That's not weird, right?

KE

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KnightEnder
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Scifi,

In situations like that you have to bite the bullet a time or two to show them you are serious and you will indeed leave the store and punish them (no tv video games, whatever) if they force you to leave. After that it's amazing how fast they get the message. It's like spanking. Thanks to this wimpy place I'm against it now, but even when I believed in it it only took one or two swats for them to realize I was serious. After that the threat was enough.

KE

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scifibum
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Yeah. Sigh. (But it's haaaard! [Wink] [Wink] )

I appreciate the advice and thanks for not pointing out the fact that I should have educated myself BEFORE having kids. I feel like a guy who bought a BMW and a Mercedes, then sheepishly after putting 30k miles on them, inquires about getting a driver's license.

I need to kick some birth control salesman in the nuts. (then have him kick me back; cheaper than a vasectomy.)

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KnightEnder
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Probably wouldn't have helped. I had all kinds of ideas and plans before John was born. None of which worked out like I planned. It's kind of like what they say about war; "Every battle plan lasts right up until you meet the enemy." Not that I'm saying our precious children are 'the enemy'. It just seems that way sometimes. [Wink]

KE

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