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Author Topic: Locating and relocating
scifibum
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This is meant to be a fairly lighthearted non-political thread, but whatever. [Smile]

Questions are numbered for convenience of tying answers back to questions (insofar as this thread progresses in a straight line, heh):

1) How did you end up where you are?

2) What about your location factors into your happiness, or lack of it? (Weather, neighbors, scenery, outdoor recreation, nearby IKEA, etc.)

3) What would it take to get you to move?

4) Has moving affected who you are?

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scifibum
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1)

I grew up in Utah because my parents settled in there about 28 years ago. My mother grew up in Utah all her life and my father's mother was also from Utah, and his siblings have all also ended up in Utah. They are all LDS so that's definitely part of it.

I have no real memories of Arizona, Oregon, or California before we ended up here. My entire set of memories is Utahn aside from brief vacations and business trips. I don't know how it would be different to live in another state, I mean aside from obvious differences in regulations and weather etc.

2)

My family is mostly close by, and it's easy to make day trips to spend time with family. This means we have a network of other people to communicate with and spend special occasions with. I don't really spend time outside of work with anyone outside the family. I think that's possibly not healthy, but that's the way it is. Anyway, having family close by helps make me happy.

My wife, on the other hand, has many friends outside of the family, but has a hard time spending time with them because she is (sorta, mostly) from Spokane and that's where her best friends live. She recently took a 3 day drip there without me and the kids and seemed exhilarated by the whole thing and rather bummed to come home. She got back yesterday and has already proposed that we should move (I'm a bit blindsided). She is convinced that being in proximity with her old friends will make her happier, and claims that Utah doesn't fit her well (and has despaired of making new friends around here...sigh). I'm a bit concerned that she might actually be expressing something slightly different, but this was supposed to be a low gravity thread.

Having my own house, instead of sharing walls, ceilings, or floors with other people, makes me feel happy. I like having my little castle, even if it doesn't have a moat or a ballroom.

Being remote from work and supplies and entertainment is a downer for me. It's only a 30-40 minute drive to most things, but that is wearing on me. I want the 1-2 hours a day back for something I'd rather be doing than driving. (This is something I learned about myself after moving here.)

And I miss having very nearby restaurants and movie theaters. We don't have much in the neighborhood, and the extra time it takes to go places complicates access to evening child care.

3)

Right now I'd move if I could get a good job (or keep my existing job) and sell my house for enough money, and it meant being more proximate to my workplace and all the places we like to go on a daily basis that aren't home, and we managed to find a spacious living space. I'd miss being close to family but it wouldn't stop me. (My wife would like to move without the good job or anything, which is a bit alarming.) I'd like to have a house but I would take a spacious apartment or condo if it was conveniently-enough located.

If I lost my job and couldn't find a good replacement quickly, then I'd drop most of my conditions and move someplace that had work available.

4)

My wife claims to be who she is more completely in Spokane than she can here in Utah. I don't think location will define me much at all, unless it's something extreme. I mean, living on the beach in Hawaii would probably affect me, and moving to the worst ghetto in Detroit would too. But aside from that, I think I'll express my personality in mostly the same, mostly mundane, ways.

---
Sigh, OK, I'm not feeling lighthearted. I'm worried about my wife's state of mind and surprising urgent desire to move to Spokane, WA.

But I'd like to know the answers to the questions, from as many of you as care to comment. I like hearing about people's lives and love to have my limited consciousness expanded, particularly when I sense that I'm seeing my situation in a limited or skewed way.

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TomDavidson
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1) After being unemployed for nine months, I managed to land a job doing network administration for a small college here and relocated.

2) Madison's a hip, colorful town, but I wish there was a bit more of the joie de vivre it apparently had in the '80s and early '90s. The weather, like all Wisconsin weather, is hot and muggy and mosquito-filled in the summer and extremely cold and snowy in winter, but fall and spring are magnificent (if too short). I would like some more mountains, and I really miss naturally sandy beaches. A few more places to have fun without drinking would be nice, too.

3) A better-paying job anywhere north of Indiana and south of Ottawa.

4) No, I can't say that it has. Of course, I've never lived outside the Midwest, and I'm definitely a Great Lakes boy.

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scifibum
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Were you already with your wife when you moved to Madison, Tom? How'd she feel about it?
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Lina Inverse
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1) I moved here for graduate school.

2) Summers here are nice, but the winters are really long and depressing. Also, my condo pretty much doesn't get any natural light, which has ended up bothering me a lot more than I expected; next time I move, that's definitely something I'll prioritize. What I like is being able to walk up the street to the park/coffee shop/grocery store if I want; that wasn't really something I could do where I grew up.

3) I plan to move once I graduate; I like going to new places, and I'd like to go someplace different.

4) Not really; it made me realize that I have more East Coast snobbery than I thought, but that's about it [LOL]

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TomDavidson
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quote:
Were you already with your wife when you moved to Madison, Tom? How'd she feel about it?
Christy and I had been married for just over a year. She actually likes Madison quite a bit better than where we were living. (So do I, for that matter.)
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MattP
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1) I came here on a whim to visit some friends. This was literally a last minute decision - I was hanging out with a friend (in San Diego) and said "Hey, let's go visit X in Utah" and we were on the road within an hour. While we were up here we decided to move here for a while, drove home, packed up, and came back. I met my wife-to-be shortly thereafter and have been stuck here ever since.

2) I miss the beaches in SoCal, but I enjoy having real seasons and lots of cool outdoor areas to explore. The semi-rural nature of the area is also appealing. Behind my backyard here is a horse pasture, wetlands, a river, and a lake. Behind my backyard in San Diego was another backyard.

3) A lot of money? I can't think of any incentives other than a lot of cash (or a loss of job prospects here) now that we've put down 16 years of roots.

4) I don't feel that my essence has changed, but I think I'd be drinking more and probably be a bit less responsible in general, but I put most of the credit there on my wife rather than the environment here.

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Clark
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1) A friend from college contacted me about a job. I needed a job. 3 weeks later, I moved from SLC to St. George, UT.

2) We love St. George. We were concerned that it would be too small, but we really like the size, no traffic. It is too hot in the summer. We enjoy the national parks that southern Utah has to offer, but I miss the mountains.

3) Losing my job. A significantly better job than I currently have.

4) I don't think so.

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msquared
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1) How did you end up where you are? Centerville, Ohio, just south of Dayton. Was born and raised here. Met my wife here. She really wanted to stay in the area and I had not big desire to leave. I like the medium mid west town feel. Both of us have alot of family in the area.

2) What about your location factors into your happiness, or lack of it? (Weather, neighbors, scenery, outdoor recreation, nearby IKEA, etc.)
Family near by. I love seasons and snow, so the winters do not bother me. Centerville has great schools. I love UD basket ball and I get to go to several home games a year.

3) What would it take to get you to move? A job I know I would not be fired from and at least twice the salary I am making now with the same standard of living.

4) Has moving affected who you are? No.

msquared

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philnotfil
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1) How did you end up where you are?
My family moved here (Gainesville, FL) while I was in high school. I fell in love with the town while going to college here. Went away briefly to finish college at the school my fiance, now wife, was at. Looked for a job in the state, lucked out and got a job in the town. Life happened and I went back my favorite college for grad school. One year before I finally have to grow up and move away for good.

2) What about your location factors into your happiness, or lack of it? (Weather, neighbors, scenery, outdoor recreation, nearby IKEA, etc.)
Weather, outdoor recreation, University of Florida [Smile]

3) What would it take to get you to move?
A deaf son who needs services the local school system is unwilling to provide.

4) Has moving affected who you are?
Not that I have noticed, but I'll find out more next year.

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cperry
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1) How did you end up where you are? Long story, can't share online. Let's just say my hubby was here before he was my hubby, and he's here b/c there's lots of classified work here.

2) What about your location factors into your happiness, or lack of it? (Weather, neighbors, scenery, outdoor recreation, nearby IKEA, etc.)
Positives: It's nice to have 70 degree days in August, which are unheard of in FL, where I grew up. They are not common, but they do happen here. Spring is beautiful and relatively long. Snow is a treat, but there's not so much that it is a true inconvenience. I love seeing the sun set over the mountains. Lots of smart people. It's a very wealthy area, so I am (blissfully) protected from reality. (That's good and bad, I know.) There's first-rate "culture" just an hour's drive away, yet I can still drive by a farm or vineyard.
Negatives: Traffic! Cost of living (only somewhat offset by great salaries). Growth taking over all the old farms. Sometimes spring takes a long time to get here (February and March are very gray.)
3) What would it take to get you to move?
Getting closer to family (all in Florida). Better paying jobs (at least similarly paying jobs). Sometimes I imagine owning 1000s of acres in the midwest where I can be safe when the apocalypse hits.
4) Has moving affected who you are?
Absolutely. In FL, snow was never a possibility. Now, when it threatens but never quite occurs, we all have this annoying sense of frustrated denial. I just think that makes us crankier than people who can just count on the snow. When I lived closer to the city, I developed an impatience that I didn't notice until we moved about 25 miles out. I didn't like the impatient person I'd become. Alas, that suburban rush and entitlement has moved out with me, so here I am again. My hubby has a serious frustration that we don't have more warm weather -- he can't golf and fish as much as he'd like to. I realize now, living here, how crappy my education was. There is a real gap between what I learned in cracker Florida and what I teach here.

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Talltwin
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1) Like msquared, grew up in Dayton. Moved to Florida for a couple years after college, but moved back with a job change.

2)Family close by (even, I hate to admit, msquared). Fun sports (minor league baseball, Dayton Flyers basketball), easy to get around, easy to get to larger cities for those items not found here. As msquared said, I don't mind cold. I love a nice, crisp 10 degree day.

3) Till my parents move or pass away (same with my in-laws), it would have to be a doubling of salary with some expectation of job permanence. Youngest kid is 15 and starting 2nd year of highschool - there would have to be a great reason to move now. In 4 more years, it would not take as much to get me to move.

4) Moving to FL when I was younger was the first time that I was really living on my own. Mom and Dad were not just a few miles down the road. I was responsible (or irresponsible as the case may be) for every decision that I made. I also learned that you can drive from Tampa to Dayton in less than 1 day by yourself. It's not easy, but it can be done.

talltwin

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scifibum
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Good points about school-age kids.

My kids haven't started school yet (just some preschool) so if I had to choose a time to move somewhere other than here and then settle down, it'd be now. But I had planned on keeping my current job 2 more years before I started looking - I need to finish my degree to solidify my resume, I think, and my current employer is covering my tuition. And I get an extra month off next July. And I wouldn't want to bail the instant I have my degree, either. (Not that I have promised them anything.)

If we move, I might need to broach the idea of telecommuting from another state. I've seen the arrangement offered to others working here, but they have been star performers whereas I'm kind of more a 'solid contributor'. Maybe I need to get an offer in Spokane so I have some leverage, and something to fall back on if my bosses think they'd just as soon let me go.

That is, if I can't talk my wife out of this. I'm willing to move IF it would make her happy but I just have serious doubts that she's correctly diagnosed the problem and chosen the appropriate remedy.

I worry that I won't feel my roots until I rip them up, though.

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Chael
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I definitely have roots here.

The betrothed-person wants to move once I'm done with graduate school.. maybe a year or so after that. He wants snow and mountains, or maybe just mountains and cooler weather. I wouldn't mind them--I quite love mountains, and it would be nice to not have to stay indoors for three months.

I love Texas, though. The character of the state appeals to me. My immediate family is here. The only things I really dislike are the 'roaches and the more miserable parts of the summer. Dallas has its head on backwards in a lot of ways, but. Anyway, my city has great concerts, a good library system (though they're in the process of gutting it right now--one reason to move), a strong interest in what I do for a living, and a lot of interesting people (along with annoying folk--particularly drivers these days.. I swear they all have heatstroke, and it's only June) and things to do and learn and see. Decent arboretum, several lakes, etc.

I've never moved out of state before, not even for college. I'd miss my family, some places hereabouts, and the way the sky looks. At the same time, hey, it's a good time to do it (in a year or two)--no children, et cetera, and I can always come back. Really, family's the only reason not to go--my mother's getting on in years.

Sounds like you and your wife need a good long talk, scifibum. She may or may not be right about why her head's where it is, and moving may or may not turn out to be best for all of you, but it sounds like you have some pretty strong worries in there somewhere.

Do you know much about Spokane?

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Viking_Longship
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I was born in Lexington Ky. When I was 2 we moved to Bonaire Ga because my father took a transfer to Robbins Air Force Base as a civilian tech. We lived outside Bonaire on the edge of a sizable game preserve so there was a lot of forest nearby. I spent a lot of my early childhood playing in the woods and am most comfortable in the forest.

We moved back to Ky when I was 11 and after living on a farm for a year moved back to Lexington. I hated the suburbs although the downtown has always been one of my favorite places.

When i was 16 I went to a craft fair in Berea Ky (about an hour south of Lex) and thought "I want to live here". I got that wish when i went to Berea College. My sister was already there. My parents moved down there shortly after so they could be on hand to help my sis with her family. Theý're still there.

Berea is a twon of about 12,000 people, where the foothills start and the bluegrass ends. It's a nice mix of normal southern culture and an academic/hippy culture. It's well known for arts and crafts.

Since I graduated from college I've been back and forth between Berea and other places. I spent a couple years in West Virginia first as a theater tech, then in grad school in Huntington.

I went to Moscow the first time in 2001. I got fed up with Russia and moved to Tallinn Estonia that fall. 9/11 convinced me that I should go back to the states and work on my MA while the world settled down. I missed Moscow a lot, almsot from the day I left.

A couple months after I finished my MA Berlitz Istanbul offered me a position, including fronting me ticket money, so I went to Istanbul. I don't like Istanbul very much (although I very much like Turks) and after 6 months there managed to get back to Moscow. While in Moscow I met a long-time MSN friend I'd met in a chat. We got married in August and I moved to Saint Petersburg where she's from.

Saint Pete is a nice city, mush prettier than Moscow, but not as exciting. Moscow has enourmous parks and even a lot of the nieghborhoods have big mature trees. Saint Pete isn't like that and where we live is very central, which is conveniant but too urban for my taste.

Godwilling we're going back to Berea in the fall. I am planning on staying there for good if I can, but as they say "if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." I'd like to get into organic farming of some kind (besides teaching ESL my two careers have been in photography and horticulture.) If nothing else I at least want enough land to grow our food and keep a few goats, chickens and horses.

So there's where I am and where I want to be.

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Colin JM0397
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1) How did you end up where you are?
Grew up in the Midwest – Ohio 90% of the time. High school and College in Columbus. I was activated out of the reserves in 2004 for 2 yrs of duty at Ft. Dix NJ. My then wife hated Ohio, so we relocated to NJ. I actually liked it quite a bit there – it was rural middle-western NJ, so not the armpit of NYC NJ that most think of. I got off active duty in 2006 and found a good job with a large software firm. The marriage was never so hot to begin with and it continued to fall apart. I didn’t want to stay around where I really didn’t know many folks and the cost of living was crazy on 1 paycheck. I thought about sliding down to Philly – which I really enjoyed, but I decided on moving somewhere where I had a friend or two, and my company was fine with me moving since they have offices all over the place.
I could have gone back to Ohio, but that didn’t sound very appealing. I wanted to be close enough to drive back to Ohio, but better weather than the Midwest. I swear you don’t realize how dreary the Midwest weather is until you live elsewhere for a year or two. Even NJ was way better – we saw the sun in the winter! Anyway, my choices were DC-area and Charlotte. DC was crazy expensive and I would have had to live in BFE to even afford a run-down fixer upper. Even though I had more friends in DC, I had liked Charlotte the few times I visited and it is a very similar city to Columbus, so I moved to Charlotte in the spring of 2007. (quit the reserves at the same time, so the move wasn't an issue)

2) What about your location factors into your happiness, or lack of it? (Weather, neighbors, scenery, outdoor recreation, nearby IKEA, etc.)
I met my now fiancée, Tracy, shortly after moving here. She was a coworker of my friend’s wife, so that whole plan worked out quite nicely. I live not quite in the city, but not out in the ‘burbs, either. Nice residential area, but still only 10 minutes to downtown. Lots of great restaurants, bars, and entertainment within in a few miles and much we can walk to. I have the best high-end beer/wine store in town at the end of my street… Compared to Ohio, the weather here kicks butt. The spring comes about 6 weeks earlier, and the winter about 6 weeks later. Spring and autumn are awesome, and the summer really isn't much hotter than Ohio – maybe 4-5 degrees hotter on the hottest days. We are 4 hrs to the beach, and 2-3 hours to the NC mountains.
Its good for now. Our long-term plans are to head out west at some point in the next 3-10 yrs. We love Arizona, but I’m kind o leery about living in that crazy, meth-addicted state. Over the next several years we’ll visit and tour Texas and New Mexico and figure it out as we go.

3) What would it take to get you to move?
I work at home now, so I am 100% mobile within the continental 48; to move I’d only need to change my address with the company. However, Tracy would have to get a secured job out west for us to move. We both earn about the same, and losing ½ our take home pay is not an option for right now with wedding and divorce debt for both of us to pay off. However, she works for Wells Fargo, so a move west would be fairly easy for her to pull off and stay with the same company.
For now, we like NC and want to stay here for at least another 2-3 years.

4) Has moving affected who you are?
Yes and no. Getting out of a crappy marriage and into a life where I can once again live my own life has affected me in general, but that was more a product of divorce than of moving to Charlotte.

[ June 16, 2009, 09:59 AM: Message edited by: Colin JM0397 ]

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scifibum
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quote:
Sounds like you and your wife need a good long talk, scifibum. She may or may not be right about why her head's where it is, and moving may or may not turn out to be best for all of you, but it sounds like you have some pretty strong worries in there somewhere.
Yeah, last night we talked for a couple of hours, and things became a little clearer. Somebody whack me with the obvious stick, because it wasn't just about wanting to move.
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Colin JM0397
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Sounds like she is falling victim to the common "grass is greener" fallacy. She had a great time catching up with old friends, so is thinking it's a great place to live. If/when she followed through on that, she'll find the same old problems, boredoms, etc. in the new place once the newness wears off.

My ex was convinced she hated one place and would be happier in another. Of course the problem was not location, but her own ideals that everything outside was responsible for the way she felt inside - ie, she wasn't very good at taking ownership of her own issues and problems, but she was very good at running away from them.

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TomDavidson
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Well, it could be considerably deeper than that. If she doesn't have many good friends in the new location, it's entirely possible that she just misses those connections.
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scifibum
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Yep, she misses the connections, and is feeling discontent for some other reasons as well, which might be even harder to address. That's about all I can say about it. [Frown]
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Colin JM0397
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I figured, as Tom said, it's deeper than that. Sorry to hear, but that's life... Look at it as an opportunity to get closer to and learn more about your wife.

Best advice I can give is to just sit be honest with each other, but also shut up and listen. Sounds like you already started... It's amazing how many problems can be solved when people actually shut their mouths and listen to the other person.

Good luck with all that...

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Chael
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Yes--good luck.
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RickyB
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1) How did you end up where you are?

Wife wanted to live someplace greener and quieter. Also proximity to gramps and his help factored.

2) What about your location factors into your happiness, or lack of it? (Weather, neighbors, scenery, outdoor recreation, nearby IKEA, etc.)

Well, it's far from the action and from my friends. I miss out on many cool evenings because either I'm invited and can't make it, or they just figure in advance I won't come, or flat forget to ask me (cause I'm not in the loop)

On the good side: It's quiet, it's cheap, it's close to gramps.

3) What would it take to get you to move?

Money. If I had the money to pay rent and attendant expenditures closer to Tel Aviv and replace gramps with a paid babysitter, I'd like that. Of course, kids prefer gramps to sitter.

4) Has moving affected who you are?

Not that I can tell, really. There's a slower pace to life where I am. Not affected, but there's an adjustment. You learn not to front the big city attitude and acquire some local mannerisms. It puts the locals at ease [Smile]

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Daruma28
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1) How did you end up where you are?

Had the chance to move here about a year-and-a-half ago. I live in a cabin right beneath one of the towers. From my deck, I can see 60% of the entire island of O'ahu, and sometimes, on clear days, I can see Moloka'i. On a really, really clear day, I also saw Maui's silhouette right above Diamond Dead.

2) What about your location factors into your happiness, or lack of it? (Weather, neighbors, scenery, outdoor recreation, nearby IKEA, etc.)

Nearest neighbor is 1/4 mile away, large property, high atop the mountain. I'm able to live as independently as possible. I'm almost in a fully self-sustainable situation now. All I need to do is go buy my photovoltaic solar panels for electricity, and I would be completely off the grid. I got a water catchment system, a pig, 15 egg laying chickens, my hunting dogs and my own vegetable and herb garden. While I was born and raised in the suburbs, I've gone complete Hawaiian Hillbilly. I love it. The isolation, the peacefulness, the spectacular view. The ability to establish self-sufficiency.

3) What would it take to get you to move?

A SWAT team invading my home and hauling me away in handcuffs.


4) Has moving affected who you are?

Certainly. I'm now closer than ever to becoming a full-time, anti-Government militia founder. [Wink]

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IrishTD
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1) Came here for college eleven years ago, stayed for grad school. Almost off of ABD status (yay!)

2) I'm generally pretty happy, but it doesn't have much to do with the location.

3) A full time, "permanent" job.

4) Sort of. I can now see the benefits of living in a town/city rather than in farm country. Still not a huge fan of being this close to my neighbors, but it's tolerable.

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Stevarooni
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1) Moved here for lurve, stayed for the inertia.

2) It's an OK place; tornadoes instead of hurricanes and/or earthquakes, otherwise the weather is pretty good. No big problems. Getting a bit crowded lately, but that's true of any city. When/if it gets bad enough, I'll move.

3) Finding a good job elsewhere, or if things get that bad here.

4) Not permanently, though the process of moving is always stressful to me.

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RickyB
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"tornadoes instead of hurricanes and/or earthquakes,"

Wichita? The Town That Hijacked Seattle's Leftovers? [Smile]

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NSCutler
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1) How did you end up where you are?
After 3 years in Tennessee, both our jobs ending and a 2nd kid in the oven, we realized we weren't southerners and decided to head back to Utah. I had sworn I would never commute via interstate again, so downtown Salt Lake City was where we ended up.

2) What about your location factors into your happiness, or lack of it? (Weather, neighbors, scenery, outdoor recreation, nearby IKEA, etc.)
We can walk, bike bus or train anywhere we want to go, we can take our kids pretty much everywhere in the city without much fuss, we found a 100 year old house that was built to be comfortable before the invention of central air and a yard that was just begging to become an orchard, and I have heard as many as 6 different languages being spoken walking my kids the 4 blocks to school.

3) What would it take to get you to move?
A bullet to the head and a wheelbarrow.

4) Has moving affected who you are?
More like finally figuring out who I was made me move and get comfortable where I am.

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Ben
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1) Grew up in Salt Lake valley area, though there was a couple years in Wichita during junior high. When I graduated, I went to college in Southern Cal then worked there a bit, before getting an architecture job in St. George. Loved it there especially the small town feel where we lived in the old part of town, but had to move half a year ago for a paying job back in the Salt Lake valley when my boss got stiffed on a few projects by some clients, particularly a large project by one in Las Vegas. I'm happy with my current job but still would like to get back into architecture.

2) I HATE long commutes so I'm happy where we are within a short bike ride to work, and I'm glad to also be near nature within half an hour's drive to multiple options though I don't have as much time to go out as I'd like. Got lucky with a nice neighborhood even though I'm in an apartment now, hoping for something similar when I finally get my own place.

3) A good paying job in architecture and being able to buy my own place, while still maintaining or improving our standard of living and savings. Not too much overall, considering my current situation. (edit to add the following) of course I'd love to get back to St. George though I could be happy here in the SLC metro area as well, or someplace similar to the two locations mentioned.

4) Not too much, except that I appreciate more my experiences growing up, along with the diversity I get to enjoy when traveling.

[ June 18, 2009, 11:41 PM: Message edited by: Ben ]

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