Ornery.org
  Front Page   |   About Ornery.org   |   World Watch   |   Guest Essays   |   Contact Us

The Ornery American Forum Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» The Ornery American Forum » General Comments » Humorous misattributions (Page 1)

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!   This topic comprises 4 pages: 1  2  3  4   
Author Topic: Humorous misattributions
Pete at Home
Member
Member # 429

 - posted      Profile for Pete at Home   Email Pete at Home   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Rules:
1. Take a cliche saying about life, love, etc., ideally a sappy one whose source few if any people remember.

2. Misattribute the saying, chosing someone who makes the saying sound even more ridiculous.


e.g.

"Better to have loved and lost, than never to have lost at all."

-Henry VIII.

Posts: 44193 | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Chael
Member
Member # 2436

 - posted      Profile for Chael   Email Chael   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hope springs eternal. --Niccolo Machiavelli
Posts: 872 | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pete at Home
Member
Member # 429

 - posted      Profile for Pete at Home   Email Pete at Home   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home"

-Atilla the Hun

----

"Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country"

-Benito Musolini

----


"It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game"

-Tonya Harding

-------

"Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me"

-Joseph Goebbels

-------

"A house divided against itself cannot stand"

-Hồ Chí Minh

-------------

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

-Jeffrey Dahmer

-------------


"Good fences make good neighbors"

-Joseph Stalin

[ July 28, 2010, 03:40 AM: Message edited by: Pete at Home ]

Posts: 44193 | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pete at Home
Member
Member # 429

 - posted      Profile for Pete at Home   Email Pete at Home   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
alternately,

"Good fences make good neighbors"

-André Maginot

------

"You have to break a few eggs to make an omelette"

-Pol Pot

Posts: 44193 | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
philnotfil
Member
Member # 1881

 - posted      Profile for philnotfil     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Robert Asprinn uses these as epigraphs in his MYTH series. I use my favorites as the intro slides for my lectures. There is a strong correlation between the students who do well, and the students who laugh at the joke before I explain it.

"Careful planning is the key to safe and swift travel" -Ulysses

"In times of crisis, it is of utmost importance not to lose one's head"
-M. Antoinette

"To function efficiently, any group of people or employees must have faith in their leader"
-Capt. Bligh (ret.)

"Man shall never reach his full capacity while chained to the earth. We must take wing and conquer the heavens"
-Icarus

"One of the joys of travel is visiting new towns and meeting new people"
-G. Khan

"First impressions are of major importance in business matters"
-J. Pierpoint Finch

"By persevering over all obstacles and distractions, one may unfailingly arrive at his chosen goal or destination"
-C. Columbus

"With the proper consideration in choice of allies, victory may be guaranteed in any conflict"
-B. Arnold

"Numerical superiority is of no consequence. In battle, victory will go to the best tactician"
-G.A. Custer

"One need not fear superior numbers if the opposing force has been properly scouted and appraised"
-S. Bull

"Nothing is impossible. Anything can be accomplished with proper preparations and planning"
-Ponce de Leon

"These blokes need to be taught to respect their superiors"
-Gen. Cornwallis


My all-time favorite (spoken minutes before getting killed by a Union sniper):
"I'm ashamed of you, dodging that way. They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance."
-General John Sedgewick

Posts: 3719 | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Al Wessex
unregistered


 - posted            Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
No ha-ha's and not as good as the above, but I'm working under a budget of wit.

"An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it."
Sean Hannity (Comedian)

"Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve."
George Bush (Yale graduate, businessman, National Guard member)

"No one can earn a million dollars honestly."
Tony Hayward (BP Chairman)

"Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking."
Ted Stevens (Alaska Senator)

"Finance is the art of passing money from hand to hand until it finally disappears."
Peter Sutherland (Goldman Sachs Chairman)

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."
G2 (Logician, Science advisor)

[ July 28, 2010, 12:52 PM: Message edited by: Al Wessex ]

IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pete at Home
Member
Member # 429

 - posted      Profile for Pete at Home   Email Pete at Home   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"I can resist everything except temptation"

-Bill Clinton

Posts: 44193 | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
scifibum
Member
Member # 945

 - posted      Profile for scifibum   Email scifibum   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."
--Sarah Palin

Posts: 6847 | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jordan
Member
Member # 2159

 - posted      Profile for Jordan   Email Jordan   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Know ye not that Oscar Wilde Quote Misattribution is the national sport of England?

"It is a sad day for England when a man cannot find an Oscar Wilde quote to suit any occasion."—Oscar Wilde


Unfortunately, I'm not very good at this game; I'm almost too embarassed to try…

"Bashfulness is an ornament to youth, but a reproach to old age."—Marilyn Monroe

Posts: 2147 | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
TommySama
Member
Member # 2780

 - posted      Profile for TommySama   Email TommySama       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"When at last the sexual act is permitted and the clitoris itself becomes excited, it still retains a function: the task, namely, of transmitting the excitation to the adjacent female sexual parts, just as-to use a simile-pine shavings can be kindled in order to set a lot of harder wood on fire." - Mary Jane Sherfey

"You have no idea how bad it gets." - Sen. Larry Craig

"There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we now know we don’t know. But there are also unknown unknowns. These are things we do not know we don’t know." - Georg Hegel

"Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men, have mediocrity thrust upon them." Malcolm X

"Freedom is just another word for one more way to get ****ed." - Frederick Douglass

Posts: 6396 | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Wayward Son
Member
Member # 210

 - posted      Profile for Wayward Son   Email Wayward Son   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Boy, this is a lot harder than it looks.

How about:

"A fool and his money are soon parted."--Bernie Madoff

"Anger dwells in the boson of fools."--Mel Gibson

Posts: 8681 | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Chael
Member
Member # 2436

 - posted      Profile for Chael   Email Chael   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"The way to a man's heart is through his stomach." --Genghis Khan.
Posts: 872 | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
scifibum
Member
Member # 945

 - posted      Profile for scifibum   Email scifibum   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"In vino veritas"
--Mel Gibson

Posts: 6847 | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Daruma28
Member
Member # 1388

 - posted      Profile for Daruma28   Email Daruma28   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
On an otherwise great thread, Al Wessex had to get personal and attack G2.

You really are a douchebag, Al.

Never argue with an idiot on the internet. He will just drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. - Al Wessex (Self-righteous libtard)

Posts: 7543 | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Al Wessex
unregistered


 - posted            Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it."
Anonymous

IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pete at Home
Member
Member # 429

 - posted      Profile for Pete at Home   Email Pete at Home   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Wayward Son:
Boy, this is a lot harder than it looks.

How about:

"A fool and his money are soon parted."--Bernie Madoff

"Anger dwells in the boson of fools."--Mel Gibson

Yes, that's the trick. Look for the most infamous cliches as I described, then think of an historical figure that seems most ridiculous in that context, otherwise save the cliche and move on to find other combos, in that context. Feel free to re-contextualize my own quotes, or anyone else's on this thread, since that's the name of the game!

[ July 28, 2010, 11:04 PM: Message edited by: Pete at Home ]

Posts: 44193 | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pete at Home
Member
Member # 429

 - posted      Profile for Pete at Home   Email Pete at Home   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Al Wessex:
"When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it."

-Paris Hilton

[ July 28, 2010, 11:05 PM: Message edited by: Pete at Home ]

Posts: 44193 | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pete at Home
Member
Member # 429

 - posted      Profile for Pete at Home   Email Pete at Home   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Daruma28:
Never argue with an idiot on the internet. He will just drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

-Pete at Home
Posts: 44193 | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JWatts
Member
Member # 6523

 - posted      Profile for JWatts   Email JWatts   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"Honesty may be the best policy, but it is important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."
--George W Bush

"The Buck Stops Here"
--Barack Obama

"The trouble with socialism is you run out of other people's money to spend."
--Hugo Chavez

"Youth must refrain from ungrateful questioning of governmental mandates."
--Oliver Stone

"I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird and not enough the bad luck of the early worm. "
--Saddam Hussein

"When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on."
--Joseph Biden

"A woman is the only thing I am afraid of that I know will not hurt me."
--John Wayne Bobbitt

"Are you laboring under the impression that I read these memoranda of yours? I can't even lift them."
--Nancy Pelosi

"Nobody will ever deprive the American people of the right to vote except the American people themselves and the only way they could do this is by not voting."
--The New Black Panthers

"One thing is sure. We have to do something. We have to do the best we know how at the moment... If it doesn't turn out right, we can modify it as we go along."
--George Bush

"Discourage litigation. Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can. As a peacemaker the lawyer has superior opportunity of being a good man. There will still be business enough."
--John Edwards

"Benefits should be conferred gradually; and in that way they will taste better. "
--The Democratic Party

"It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything. "
--Al Gore

"Globalization, as defined by rich people like us, is a very nice thing... you are talking about the Internet, you are talking about cell phones, you are talking about computers. This doesn't affect two-thirds of the people of the world."
--The Republican Party

"I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. "
--Bill Clinton

"You can not divorce religious belief and public service. I've never detected any conflict between God's will and my political duty. If you violate one, you violate the other."
--Ronald Reagan

Posts: 4700 | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Al Wessex
unregistered


 - posted            Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it."

Al Wessex, aka Alfred the Great, aka Alfred King of Wessex & King of the English

"Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein."

Terrell Owens

[ July 29, 2010, 12:38 AM: Message edited by: Al Wessex ]

IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pete at Home
Member
Member # 429

 - posted      Profile for Pete at Home   Email Pete at Home   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"Life is nasty, brutish, and short"

-Methuselah


----------

"The good old days weren't always good and tomorrow's not as bad as it seems."

-Ted Kaczynski

Posts: 44193 | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
seekingprometheus
Member
Member # 3043

 - posted      Profile for seekingprometheus   Email seekingprometheus   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"Whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see."

-Nostradamus

[ July 29, 2010, 12:58 AM: Message edited by: seekingprometheus ]

Posts: 3654 | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
seekingprometheus
Member
Member # 3043

 - posted      Profile for seekingprometheus   Email seekingprometheus   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"Get rich or die trying."

-Francis of Assissi

Posts: 3654 | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pete at Home
Member
Member # 429

 - posted      Profile for Pete at Home   Email Pete at Home   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by philnotfil:
"Careful planning is the key to safe and swift travel"
-Ulysses

quote:
Originally posted by seekingprometheus:
"Whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see."

-Nostradamus

[LOL]
Posts: 44193 | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
edgmatt
Member
Member # 6449

 - posted      Profile for edgmatt   Email edgmatt       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I liked the Clinton one where he drowns his problems...
Posts: 1439 | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Wayward Son
Member
Member # 210

 - posted      Profile for Wayward Son   Email Wayward Son   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I think it would have worked better if Hillary had said it, though. [Smile]
Posts: 8681 | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Wayward Son
Member
Member # 210

 - posted      Profile for Wayward Son   Email Wayward Son   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"In this world, nothing is certain except death and taxes."

- American T.E.A. Party

Posts: 8681 | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Al Wessex
unregistered


 - posted            Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"There are no atheists in foxholes."

Richard Dawkins

IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
hobsen
Member
Member # 2923

 - posted      Profile for hobsen   Email hobsen   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Mocking Ornery members on this thread will do harm, so it will not be tolerated. Otherwise this is a great premise for a thread, with many amusing and thought-provoking entries.
Posts: 4387 | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Wayward Son
Member
Member # 210

 - posted      Profile for Wayward Son   Email Wayward Son   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"Do unto others as thou would have them do unto you."

- Adolph Hitler

(Well, somebody had to Goodwinize this thread. [Smile] )

Posts: 8681 | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jordan
Member
Member # 2159

 - posted      Profile for Jordan   Email Jordan   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"It's spelled 'GODwin,' isn't it?"—Wayward Son

Now that we've had a spelling fascist too, the other Internet tropes can't be far behind! [Wink]

Posts: 2147 | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
TommySama
Member
Member # 2780

 - posted      Profile for TommySama   Email TommySama       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"All your base are belong to us now." - Saddam Hussein

"Its over 9000!!!!!" - George Bush

"we do not forgive, we do not forget..." - Dalai Lama

Posts: 6396 | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Wayward Son
Member
Member # 210

 - posted      Profile for Wayward Son   Email Wayward Son   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"You like potato and I like potahto,
You like tomato and I like tomahto;
Potato, potahto, tomato, tomahto!
Let's call the whole thing off!"

- Jordan [Wink] [Smile]

Posts: 8681 | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Al Wessex
unregistered


 - posted            Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"There ain't no such thing as a free lunch."
Strunk & White

IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DonaldD
Member
Member # 1052

 - posted      Profile for DonaldD   Email DonaldD   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"To err is Human; to forgive is Divine"
- The Bride (Kill Bill, Vols 1 & 2)

Posts: 10751 | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jordan
Member
Member # 2159

 - posted      Profile for Jordan   Email Jordan   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You great meanie, Wayward! [Big Grin]
Posts: 2147 | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
TedK
unregistered


 - posted            Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by DonaldD:
"To err is Human; to forgive is Divine"
- The Bride (Kill Bill, Vols 1 & 2)

My wife nearly drove us into a canyon lughing at that. [Smile]

"i believe that children are our future"
-Margaret Sanger

IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
scifibum
Member
Member # 945

 - posted      Profile for scifibum   Email scifibum   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"If God had intended us to follow recipes,
He wouldn't have given us grandmothers."
--Jeffrey Dahmer

Posts: 6847 | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Aris Katsaris
Member
Member # 888

 - posted      Profile for Aris Katsaris   Email Aris Katsaris   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"If I have seen further it is only by standing on the shoulders of giants" -Gulliver

"Courage is found in unlikely places." - Johnnie Walker

Posts: 3318 | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
edgmatt
Member
Member # 6449

 - posted      Profile for edgmatt   Email edgmatt       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"Too err is human, to really screw things up takes a machine." - Bill Gates
Posts: 1439 | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
  This topic comprises 4 pages: 1  2  3  4   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.
UBB Code™ Images not permitted.
Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Ornery.org Front Page

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.1