Ornery.org
  Front Page   |   About Ornery.org   |   World Watch   |   Guest Essays   |   Contact Us

The Ornery American Forum Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» The Ornery American Forum » General Comments » Humorous misattributions (Page 3)

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!   This topic comprises 4 pages: 1  2  3  4   
Author Topic: Humorous misattributions
Al Wessex
unregistered


 - posted            Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I try to imagine somebody smarter than me. I ask myself what would they do, and then I do it.

Everybody

---

Go to mountain; hit tiger.

Tommysama (a keeper [Smile] )

[ August 12, 2010, 11:07 AM: Message edited by: Al Wessex ]

IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pete at Home
Member
Member # 429

 - posted      Profile for Pete at Home   Email Pete at Home   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Home is where the heart is

-Jack Kerouac

Posts: 44193 | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ben
Member
Member # 1153

 - posted      Profile for Ben   Email Ben   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
God is dead.

-Jesus

Posts: 523 | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
edgmatt
Member
Member # 6449

 - posted      Profile for edgmatt   Email edgmatt       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
“The price of living is giving.” - Bernie Madoff

“Help thy brother's boat across, and lo! thine own has reached the shore.” - Cain

"The truth shall set you free" - O.J. Simpson

Posts: 1439 | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
edgmatt
Member
Member # 6449

 - posted      Profile for edgmatt   Email edgmatt       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
“The nut doesn't reveal the tree it contains.” - Margot Kidder
Posts: 1439 | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
edgmatt
Member
Member # 6449

 - posted      Profile for edgmatt   Email edgmatt       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
“It is better to be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.” - Dan Quayle
Posts: 1439 | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Al Wessex
unregistered


 - posted            Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
For most folks, no news is good news; for the press, good news is no news.

Rupert Murdoch
Jon Stewart

IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lobo
Member
Member # 89

 - posted      Profile for Lobo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"Seeing is believing" - Helen Keller
Posts: 1094 | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Al Wessex
unregistered


 - posted            Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Reality continues to ruin my life.

Barack Obama

IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
cherrypoptart
Member
Member # 3942

 - posted      Profile for cherrypoptart     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"Show me the money."

Timothy Geithner

Posts: 7675 | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Al Wessex
unregistered


 - posted            Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

Glenn Beck

IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Wayward Son
Member
Member # 210

 - posted      Profile for Wayward Son   Email Wayward Son   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
The best laid schemes of mice and men go often awry.

Mickey Mouse

Posts: 8681 | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
TommySama
Member
Member # 2780

 - posted      Profile for TommySama   Email TommySama       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"I... want... to... fit... in." - Jim Stark
Posts: 6396 | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Adam Masterman
Member
Member # 1142

 - posted      Profile for Adam Masterman   Email Adam Masterman   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
“I am going to fight capitalism even if it kills me. It is wrong that people like you should be comfortable and well fed while all around you people are starving.” John D. Rockefeller
Posts: 4823 | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
TommySama
Member
Member # 2780

 - posted      Profile for TommySama   Email TommySama       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." - Fidel Castro
Posts: 6396 | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pete at Home
Member
Member # 429

 - posted      Profile for Pete at Home   Email Pete at Home   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." - Bill Clinton
Posts: 44193 | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
TommySama
Member
Member # 2780

 - posted      Profile for TommySama   Email TommySama       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hopefully everyone understood mine: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exploding_cigar#CIA_plot_to_assassinate_Castro
Posts: 6396 | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
scifibum
Member
Member # 945

 - posted      Profile for scifibum   Email scifibum   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"Sometimes a cigar feels so big and hard in my hand."
--Sigmund Freud.

Posts: 6847 | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pete at Home
Member
Member # 429

 - posted      Profile for Pete at Home   Email Pete at Home   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by TommySama:
Hopefully everyone understood mine: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exploding_cigar#CIA_plot_to_assassinate_Castro

Ah! That is much funnier -- sorry I missed the reference. Castro is famous for his cigars independent of that peculiar incident. Thanks for clarification.
Posts: 44193 | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
TommySama
Member
Member # 2780

 - posted      Profile for TommySama   Email TommySama       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"There's a soldier in all of us." - Sabine Women.
Posts: 6396 | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pete at Home
Member
Member # 429

 - posted      Profile for Pete at Home   Email Pete at Home   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Never look a gift horse in the mouth

-Ancient Trojan Proverb


quote:
What God has joined together let no man put asunder
-Elizabeth Taylor


quote:
A man who is his own lawyer has a fool for his client
-Mumia Abu-Jamal


quote:
All's fair in love and war

-Amy Fisher


quote:
If God had meant us to fly he'd have given us wings
-Orville Wright


quote:
Finders keepers, losers weepers

-Christopher Columbus


quote:
God helps those who help themselves

-Bernie Madoff


quote:
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned

-Lorena Bobbitt


quote:
It is better to give than to receive

-Magic Johnson


quote:
Life begins at forty

-Kurt Cobain


quote:
Love makes the world go round

-Copernicus


quote:
Music has charms to soothe the savage beast
-Ozzy Osbourne


quote:
Necessity is the mother of invention

-Carlile R. Stevens, inventor of the Chia pet


quote:
Never judge a book by its cover

- Abigail Williams

[ November 22, 2010, 10:13 PM: Message edited by: Pete at Home ]

Posts: 44193 | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pete at Home
Member
Member # 429

 - posted      Profile for Pete at Home   Email Pete at Home   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Oil and water don't mix
- Tony Hayward


quote:
There's always more fish in the sea

-Tony Hayward


quote:
There's no such thing as bad publicity

-Tony Hayward


quote:
The price of liberty is eternal vigilance

-J Edgar Hoover


quote:
The course of true love never did run smooth
-John Wayne Bobbitt


quote:
The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
-Lucrezia Borgia


quote:
The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world
-Margaret Sanger


quote:
The truth will come out

-JFK



quote:
Those who sleep with dogs will rise with fleas
-Bill Clinton


quote:
The more things change, the more they stay the same
-Barack Obama

[ November 22, 2010, 11:39 PM: Message edited by: Pete at Home ]

Posts: 44193 | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Chael
Member
Member # 2436

 - posted      Profile for Chael   Email Chael   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
The J. Edgar Hoover one was pretty good. [Smile]
Posts: 872 | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pete at Home
Member
Member # 429

 - posted      Profile for Pete at Home   Email Pete at Home   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Chael:
The J. Edgar Hoover one was pretty good. [Smile]

Cool! I was afraid it was too subtle.
Posts: 44193 | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pete at Home
Member
Member # 429

 - posted      Profile for Pete at Home   Email Pete at Home   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Lord, give me chastity, but not yet.
-Larry Flynt

Posts: 44193 | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
TommySama
Member
Member # 2780

 - posted      Profile for TommySama   Email TommySama       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
"Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
- Sign as you cross the border into Arizona
Posts: 6396 | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pete at Home
Member
Member # 429

 - posted      Profile for Pete at Home   Email Pete at Home   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"Give me Liberty or give me head"
-the opening line from Patrick Henry's divorce complaint

Posts: 44193 | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
starLisa
Member
Member # 2543

 - posted      Profile for starLisa   Email starLisa   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." -Stevie Wonder

"No pain, no gain." -The Marquis de Sade

"Brevity is the soul of wit." -J.R.R. Tolkein

"Don't worry, be happy." -Emily Dickinson

"A broken heart is hard to mend." -Dr. Christiaan Barnard

"Been there, done that." -Bill Clinton

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away" -Sir Isaac Newton

"Beggars can't be choosers." -Anonymous OWS protester


"Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker." -Joe Kennedy, Sr.

"When God closes a door, He opens a window." -Wall Street investors on October 24, 1929

Posts: 2066 | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Wayward Son
Member
Member # 210

 - posted      Profile for Wayward Son   Email Wayward Son   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"I've always admired a person who doesn't lose his head in a crisis." -Marie Antoinette
Posts: 8681 | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pete at Home
Member
Member # 429

 - posted      Profile for Pete at Home   Email Pete at Home   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
""When God closes a door, He opens a window." -Wall Street investors on October 24, 1929"

Wow. That's one of the darkest so far!

Posts: 44193 | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Adam Masterman
Member
Member # 1142

 - posted      Profile for Adam Masterman   Email Adam Masterman   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"There's no next time. It's now or never." - Hindu Proverb

"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles." - Sylvia Plath

Posts: 4823 | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
starLisa
Member
Member # 2543

 - posted      Profile for starLisa   Email starLisa   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Pete at Home:
""When God closes a door, He opens a window." -Wall Street investors on October 24, 1929"

Wow. That's one of the darkest so far!

That's why I put it at the end.
Posts: 2066 | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pete at Home
Member
Member # 429

 - posted      Profile for Pete at Home   Email Pete at Home   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"Baby, remember my name."
-Anonymous

Posts: 44193 | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pete at Home
Member
Member # 429

 - posted      Profile for Pete at Home   Email Pete at Home   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"Kill them all, and let God sort them out"

-Mother Theresa

Posts: 44193 | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
starLisa
Member
Member # 2543

 - posted      Profile for starLisa   Email starLisa   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I think Gandhi would be better.
Posts: 2066 | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
hobsen
Member
Member # 2923

 - posted      Profile for hobsen   Email hobsen   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Agreed.
Posts: 4387 | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
hobsen
Member
Member # 2923

 - posted      Profile for hobsen   Email hobsen   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Odd nobody seems to have noticed the one about music and the savage beast is not a quotation.
quote:
Two of Congreve's turns of phrase from The Mourning Bride (1697) have become famous, albeit frequently in misquotation:

"Music has charms to soothe a savage breast," which is the first line of the play, spoken by Almeria in Act I, Scene 1. (The word "breast" is often misquoted as "beast", and 'has' sometimes appears as 'hath'.)

All I can figure is that Congreve's quote has been distorted by some association with snake charming, which probably has to do with the snake responding to motion rather than to the noise of a flute. Otherwise animals probably hear sounds differently than humans, as there is no reason their ears should be equally sensitive to the same frequencies, so human music would seem to them distorted. Perhaps a melody will soothe a lion, but I would not count on it.
Posts: 4387 | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pete at Home
Member
Member # 429

 - posted      Profile for Pete at Home   Email Pete at Home   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I can use singing to calm my dog down or to work him up into a frenzy, just like I can with young kids. But I think you're right about snakes.
Posts: 44193 | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pete at Home
Member
Member # 429

 - posted      Profile for Pete at Home   Email Pete at Home   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
What is a savage breast anyway, and why would one want to calm one? I think that if I was getting attacked by a savage pair of angry breasts that i'd just sit back and enjoy the experience.
Posts: 44193 | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
hobsen
Member
Member # 2923

 - posted      Profile for hobsen   Email hobsen   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
As to your first reply, experience trumps theory. And some dogs do howl along with some music, or otherwise respond.

About the second, not wishing possibly to offend any of the fair women among us, I shall decline to comment. [Smile] Although I suppose the quotation refers to the outmoded notion that the heart, and therefor the torso, is the dwelling place of the emotions. A more modern psychology localizes such feelings in the brain.

[ December 19, 2011, 04:06 PM: Message edited by: hobsen ]

Posts: 4387 | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
  This topic comprises 4 pages: 1  2  3  4   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.
UBB Code™ Images not permitted.
Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Ornery.org Front Page

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.1