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Author Topic: Moving across the country - how do you decide?
Member # 3117

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I apologize for the personal nature of this topic, but I wanted to get some feedback from people who can analyze well and look at all sides. We (Pan, me, and the kids) are potentially looking at a cross-country move for a new job sometime in November.

There are a lot of pros and cons to the move, and we're weighing them. What it seems to come down to at this point, is how will we all hold up in the midst of such huge change, emotionally.

I think I'll be a hormonal mess for a few months, with leaving my hometown and family, leaving (or hopefully selling) my business that I have built up over the past two years, trying to coordinate the logistics of moving a household of three kids and settling in before the new baby comes in mid January. And I'm expecting the kids to kind of go crazy for a while too with all the changes.

If we can get through this tough part, eventually it will end up being a good decision for our family, I think. But how do I figure out whether we'll be able to get through those initial months relatively unscathed?

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Member # 2638

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What kind of support network do you have where you'll be moving to?

That's probably the largest single issue- if you can fall back on other people locally when you need help, you'll be fine, if you're going to be almost entirely on your own, it will be difficult at best.

And while church is a handy default way to find such support, it may be wise to look into the the local offerings, since there can be big cultural differences even in the most top-down flavors that might not make it what you're expecting it to be.

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Member # 6523

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I think Pyrtolin is right. The single biggest factor is having or developing a support network.

If you don't have family/friends in the area, you need to make a point of developing them and not relying on happenstance.

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Member # 310

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Depends on how old the kids are too, moving in your last couple of years of high school is a lot more difficult than moving when you are pretty young. (Or do you homeschool, don't recall offhand).

[ October 21, 2010, 04:10 PM: Message edited by: LetterRip ]

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Member # 1925

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You're lucky. You're moving with your family. You won't be alone. It may actually help bring your family closer together. With some luck it will turn out to be a great experience for everyone involved.

Stay positive. Be there for one another. Work on developing those social skills. Focus on the advantages of the move. Become hideously optimistic for a year. Encourage. Support. Meet new people. Go to new places. Smile a lot and introduce yourself to everybody.

This is the way my family made it through military service when I was a kid. We moved three times in 14 years, which was actually quite stable. The first move is the hardest.

Good luck to you. Don't forget you're taking all of OA with you.

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Member # 3117

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Thank you, everyone. Yes, there would be a support network, sort of. Right now I'm 15 minutes away from my parents and two of my sisters, where we would be moving would be 30-60 minutes away from Pan's parents, brother, and sister.

It's good to hear the kids will probably be fine. We don't homeschool, but I would probably not put my 2 1/2 year old back in "preschool" 2 days a week as she is now until after Christmas. I'm probably mostly projecting my own emotions on the kids though - they'll be around grandparents either way, here or there.

Pyrtolin, I've looked at the Catholic church's website in the area and it looked good, but you're right, so much has to do with the individual people and culture. A lot of my real-life friends I've met through the sort of crunchy-mama lifestyle - cloth diapering, breastfeeding, midwife-births, etc. I already talked with a midwife up there really just as a medical necessity since I'll be having a baby but she made me feel better that there will be other moms who share my lifestyle up there.

The hardest thing I'm facing right now is the loss or sale of my business. I can't actually approach my competitors to sell it until we decide we're moving so I'm not sure how likely it is that I will be able to sell it. Ideally I'd like to sell it, pass the torch to someone here, and then bank the money for 6 months while I adjust to the new location. Then I could take that money and start a new business, since I already have the experience and all the contacts. I'm afraid that if I can't sell it it will just wither away and die, which would be hard since I've put so much of myself in it.

I know my career comes second to my family, but I find it so personally enriching both to support new moms and to be able to bring some monetary value to my family. I like being able to quantify what I do, which isn't possible in my stay at home mom role.

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Member # 2727

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We're moving from Utah to Michigan today! (Well, our stuff starts the trip today, we start later.) (I know, I keep threatening to leave, and I still haven't left yet.) Utah is the only state my wife and I have ever lived in, and is where the majority (though not all) of our family is. We don't know anyone in Michigan.

We are greatly comforted knowing that we will have the a built in network of the LDS church from the day we move in. (Actually, we were out there 2 weeks ago, showed up unannounced and got invited to dinner by people who had never met us before.)

For me, I know that the vast majority of my life revolves around work and my family. That's 95% of my time and energy right there. So, anywhere I take my family will feel like home to me.

I do worry about my wife feeling very lonely though. Hmm . . . moving truck just pulled up. Good thing I'm out of things to say.

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Member # 2345

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First step is to find out if there are any Ornery members where you're moving, duh. [Smile]

Do you really have to sell your business outright? It can't be moved?

I can't imagine moving with small children in the last trimester of pregnancy. I sure hope you're feeling better than you have been by then! Is there any chance a family member who's retired or otherwise not routinely employed could make the trip with you to help you establish some kind of order at the new place? Even just for a week or two? Even having someone to keep the kids occupied while you try to find the coffee maker and towels could be the difference between being overwhelmed or not.

ETA: Good luck, Clark! See you on the other side! (oh, that sounded ominous. Sorry. [Smile] )

[ October 22, 2010, 06:21 PM: Message edited by: Funean ]

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My business is a retail store - about 70% of the business is from locals, the other 30% is from online orders. I deliberately set it up that way because my strength is with interacting with people face to face, not designing websites. If it was only the move, I could probably keep the web sales steady enough to pull me through until I could get a new customer base in NC, but since I was planning on taking at least 6 weeks off when the baby comes anyway, I don't think the business could survive that kind of a one-two punch. At best, I would still have all the inventory to be able to pick up again where I left off. But the actual value of the business would drop from an estimated 20-40K to just about the inventory value. It kills me to see 30K go down the drain like that!!

If I can't sell it, I will move it, but as far as I can tell it would be like starting a business from scratch, only I'd already have the inventory.

The morning sickness seems to have 90% resolved itself just in the past two weeks, thankfully. No retired family members at this point, unfortunately, but I'm definitely pushing for Pan to ask the company to start him off with a full week or two of paid leave basically for moving and settling in. Not sure if they'll do that but it would be so helpful.

ETA: And again, that was Carlotta. Sheesh. You think I'd learn to check the sign-in first.

[ October 22, 2010, 10:03 PM: Message edited by: PanHeraclitean ]

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