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Author Topic: Heaven or Hell?
moodi
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I read a comment today from an atheist who was threatened by a religious person that he would go to hell if he doesn't convert. The atheist’s answer was:

Well, if I decide to go to the hell you are threatening me with, I'll be in the company of some people like Gandhi, Dali Lamma(s), Einstein, Tom Cruise (not sure that's a plus), Pamela Anderson, ... .

On the other hand, if I go to heaven, I'll be there with Pat Robertson.

I'll stick with hell. [LOL]

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Wayward Son
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My mom once told me a joke about a missionary that went up to frozen Lapland to convert an eldery couple.

First he told them about Hell, the fiery place where the Devil torments souls for all eternity. Then he told them about Heaven, the lovely place where all dwell in eternal bliss. After all that, he asked them where they would rather spend eternity.

The eldery couple looked at each other. "Well, all in all, we'd rather perfer to go to Hell."

"What?" cried the missionary. "Why?"

"Well, when you become old," the elderly man said, "it becomes really important to find a place that stays warm." [Smile]

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The Pixiest
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moodi: Do you really think the likes of pat robertson would be allowed in heaven?

I think there are a goodly number of christians who miss the whole point of the new testiment. He's pretty close to the top of the list.

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moodi
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lol Pixiest.... Nice comment.
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scifibum
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quote:
Well, if I decide to go to the hell you are threatening me with, I'll be in the company of some people like Gandhi, Dali Lamma(s), Einstein, Tom Cruise (not sure that's a plus), Pamela Anderson, ... .

On the other hand, if I go to heaven, I'll be there with Pat Robertson

This is a pretty good answer. Never thought about it this way, but it makes sense: the most obnoxious Bible-thumpers are, among other things, making "their" heaven look rather unpleasant for the company.

However, I know a bunch of nice folks who are going to heaven if there is one. [Smile]

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sharpshin
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"Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company."

~ Mark Twain

My own take is that when I go to hell, I'll be hanging out sipping good whiskey in some seedy dive listening to Robert Johnson... while people who go to heaven will be stuck with listening to Pat Boone mangle Little Richard tunes at the post-Bingo Night church social, and snacking on canapes made by folks who shop in supermarkets that stock Velveeta in the gourmet foods section.

[ November 15, 2006, 08:12 AM: Message edited by: sharpshin ]

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Colin JM0397
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"I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints, the sinners are much more fun..."
Billy Joel

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Adam Masterman
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If I die and find out that the dualistic theists were right, that everyone ends up either in paradise or endless torment, I imagine my first response will be to laugh. Its improbable enough to actually occur, and that would be just my luck. Of course, once you realize the essence of Mahamudra, hell isn't a problem anyway, so hopefully I will have taken care of that by then.

Adam

p.s. Its spelled Dalai Lama. Though misspelling a word from romanized mongolian is only, I believe, a venial sin.

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The Pixiest
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I understand the longest running musical in hell is "Hello Dalai"
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RickyB
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sharp, won't they be stuck listening to "Christian Rock, live from Studio B"? Far worse than Pat Boone, even [Smile]

"Woke up this morning, I cried the blues, walking like a man..."

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sharpshin
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Well though I hate to admit it, they could also end up listening to Phil Keaggy.

[ November 15, 2006, 02:29 PM: Message edited by: sharpshin ]

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0Megabyte
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Hmm. Heaven.

I'm sure the music is exactly as you'd wish to hear it. In other words, the inherent music of your own mind. But wait, no, that's probably wrong too, and it's probably the inherent music of God's mind.

I bet God hates those annoying tunes too. I bet he's saying "me-damn it! I can write a better tune than that, you insignificant little bug that I have dangling by a thread over the endless abyss."

But I'm sure Satan has a catchier tune, in a sense. At least, more pleasing at first, the way modern pop music can be pleasing, catchy, and enjoyable. Sure, it lacks any of the nuance and substance and sheer power of God playing Beethoven's 9th Symphony, but it gets to the good parts quicker. All flash. But we humans like flashy. But then it'll get annoying. And then moreso. Until we can't stand it anymore and we go mad because it just won't stop. Satan's taken a cue from American CIA agents in that regard, I'm sure. (Or, more like,y the other way around. [Big Grin] )

Huh. I guess I just now realized my biases as towards music. Interesting.

But to continue: If anyone's seen the FAmily Guy movie, Hell has that one really annoying song going constantly, most likely.

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cperry
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I was at an evening "praise session" at the church I attend, and the guest preacher talked about how wonderful it would be when we get to heaven, because we could spend eternity worshipping God. I remember turning to look at my husband, knowing the horror that must have been reflected in my eyes -- that doesn't sound like much fun! -- followed closely by the reassurance (self-created or otherwise) that if there really is a benevolent God, she surely wouldn't do that to us!
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TommySama
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*cough*FEMINIST!*cough*
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Lisa M.
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I had a dream the other night about heaven and hell.

In heaven, everyone was a statue, since they were perfect and so never needed to change.

Then we went to hell, or so we though, which was... my backyard. It was the "purgatory" - people who hadn't done anything bad, but not anything particularly good. They were given another chance at living their lives.

Then we went to hell for really bad people. Murderers, etc.

It was a Wal-Mart. In order to get out and live another life, people had to get everything on a very long shopping list collected in their cart, but people kept stealing from each other and so no one ever got out.

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Colin JM0397
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Reminds me of a comedy bit by Bill Hicks.

He's poking fun at something about Christians and tells of a few good old boy types that approach him after a show.

"Hey buddy, you mr funny man, c'mere!"
"Yea"
"We're Christians and we don't think what you said is funny."
"Then forgive me."

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Loki
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I assume if there really is a heaven/hell, then heaven is a place where energy is reused in universe, and hell is a place where that odd negative energy resides. And that is torture, to be away from god, which is all matter and energy in the universe, but not it's absence, the negative energy.

And really, I thought everyone knew, it's all the same. St. Theresa de Avila found Jesus in her meditation while buddha found nirvana, and the sufi's find peace as well. All this stuff is the same.

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