It's embarrassing for you and the rest of us,
Who is us? Do you mean the group people potentially reading and responding here?
Related, as I've gotten older I’ve found the ability to control the degree to which you feel “embarrassed” is incredibly powerful. I realize that statement is easy pickings. It doesn’t mean I don’t try to be thoughtful and as wise as I’m capable of - which is not wise at all. Studying the stoics has been helpful. It’s taught me that embarrassment is completely controllable for those with adequate discipline.
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